I hate being stuck. You know what it feels like, right? When you're rolling along happily in life and then suddenly everything comes to a screeching halt and you can't figure out how to get moving again. Maybe you wake up one morning unhappy with your life but you can’t seem to find a way out. Maybe it feels like something is wrong but you just can’t figure out what it is. Maybe you know exactly what it is, but you have no idea what to do about it. You spend hours running circles in your own mind trying to understand where your life went wrong and where to go next.
There are many ways you can get stuck. You might be indecisive about what you want for the future. Maybe there are expectations from others that keep you where you are. There are health problems, financial difficulties, relationship issues, and job changes. These things and more can bring your forward motion to a grinding halt, leaving you in a life you didn’t want but feel helpless to change.
I’ve been there. It sucks.
There is something undeniably obvious about being stuck. That horrible beat-your-head-against-the-wall feeling can’t be ignored. It isn’t going to let you slide back into your life and forget about it. It is up in your face telling you very clearly that things are not OK. Telling you that you need to change. Even if you have no idea what that change is or how to make it happen.
I’ve been there too. It also sucks.
You can’t change if you don’t know how, can you? You can’t get out of being stuck if you don’t know why you are there. You can’t move ahead if you don’t know what you are moving toward.
So here is the secret about being stuck. It is less about the specific situation you are in and more about who you are meant to become because of it. Your situation might not actually be that bad. You might have all you wanted in life and still feel stuck. It’s embarrassing, but it definitely happens. You just know, deep down, that something is not right. Or your situation might be awful and you definitely need resolution fast before you completely lose it. Either way, the underlying message of stuckness is the same. It is a signal from your higher self that it is time for change. That no matter how good or horrible your life is right now, it is time for you to take the next step toward who you are supposed to be.
As we’ve talked about before, we need you to be the person you are meant to be in this world. We need you to live the things that bring you joy and, through that joyful living, bring more love into the world. There is not a single person on this planet who doesn’t have a role in bringing more love to Earth. Your particular way of doing that looks different than mine. It will probably even change over time as you learn and grow. But it is vitally important to everyone that you learn to be that person you are meant to be.
Unfortunately, most of us get lost somewhere on that journey toward who we are supposed to be. Some of us spend our lives being moderately content with our situation. Others are miserable human beings who’ve lost all self-awareness of the love we are supposed to share. There are the occasional few who seem to have it all but still feel empty and lost inside.
That’s where the blessing of being stuck comes in. When you are off your course and not continually becoming the person you are meant to be, being stuck is a big flashing warning sign that it’s time to change direction. You can’t ignore it. You can’t go any further without facing it. You have the opportunity to embrace change and start once again moving toward who you are meant to be.
The message of stuck is not just that something needs to change, but also that what you need to change is actually available to you. Doesn’t that defy the definition of stuckness, though? Isn’t being stuck the feeling of needing change but not being able to figure out what it is or how to make it happen?
No. Being stuck means you don’t see the way out. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Maybe that’s why we get stuck. We have to slow down enough to look around and see things we didn’t before. Maybe we have to hunt harder and find something new we never previously noticed. Maybe we need to be so desperate that we do something we never would have tried otherwise.
Being stuck sucks. It messes with your mind. But maybe that is the blessing behind it.
That undeniable, maddening feeling of being stuck makes you rethink what you thought you knew before. It makes you ask new questions and search for new answers. It makes you reevaluate your problems and try to see them in a new light. It makes you realize that the actual situation you are stuck in isn’t the biggest problem. The biggest problem is probably an underlying issue that needs to be healed before you can resume becoming who you need to be.
Now let’s think about some of the underlying reasons why you might be stuck. These things are much bigger than the specific situation you are dealing with now. Working on healing these will bring more growth into your life that will open you up to be who you need to be. Here are a few big ones that come up often when I talk to people.
Fear: We fear so many things. We fear change. We fear our own ability to change (or not). We fear letting others down. We fear starting over. We fear losing our jobs, our money, our status, our relationships. I think that fear is an underlying factor in all situations of stuckness.
Shame: We can be ashamed of our past that we don’t want to deal with. We can be ashamed of working hard for a “perfect” life we don’t want any more. We can be ashamed of acknowledging what we actually want. We can be ashamed of admitting we made a huge mistake.
Old Stuff: Our pasts keep us stuck. Stuck in an identity that is not true of us any more. Stuck dealing with consequences of past actions. Stuck with traumas we don’t know how to heal. Stuck with energy we don’t know how to get rid of.
Living Lies: We make things feel better by convincing ourselves that we have everything we want. We deny our issues, our emotional traumas, our weaknesses. We hid behind a mask of being perfectly happy. The only way out is a major dose of hard truth.
Lack of Options: We may know what we want to change, but don’t see the way to get there. We feel limited by education, responsibilities, finances, location, or support. We go through the options a million times a day and just don’t see how any of them will work. There are probably other options out there, we just can’t see them.
There are many ways to get stuck, but it is likely that one or more of these problems are underlying issues in your situation. They can be hard to see in the midst of your life, but you can see them if you look. These are the problems you need to address if you want to get unstuck.
Remember, the message of being stuck is not just that something needs to change, but also that what you need to change is actually available to you. Whichever one (or more) of these issues that is underlying your stuckness, you can find it, face it, and heal it. That’s the blessing of being stuck. That’s the hidden treasure at the end of this fantastically annoying rainbow.
So let’s reframe the issue of being stuck. Right now, take a moment to feel grateful for the situation you feel stuck in. That doesn’t mean you have to be happy about it or say it is OK. Just be grateful for the clear message that it is time to change and the opportunity it presents to you to open yourself to new healing.
Now you need to take some time to look at these possible underlying causes for being stuck and see if you can identify what might be your one (or more) places you want to work on. Feel confident doing this on your own? Great! Give yourself some time to meditate, journal, or pray today and ask for the answers to arise. Not sure how to get started? Here is a 20 minute meditation I created to help you get into that headspace where you can connect with your higher self: Guidance for Getting Unstuck. Your higher self knows the answers you are seeking. It might not give you everything you need to know in one blinding flash of understanding, but if you take the time to ask and listen, the answer for how to get started will come. Take 20 minutes now, put on your favorite Zen tunes (I don’t put music with my audio meditations), and get some clarity on where to begin.
Once you have some ideas of where you need to begin working on these underlying issues, ask your higher self or your Divine being (whoever you believe in) to send you what you need to start working on that issue. This blog and my work at Harmonious Renewal is all about getting unstuck and moving toward becoming the person you are meant to be. Below are some suggestions from my blog to get you started. Also, be open to ideas coming from many other sources. Once you open yourself to Divine guidance, the support you need will come in unexpected ways.
I think that everyone, no exceptions, should face their fear. Big and small, fear limits our options and constrains our growth. Start using the prayer, “Please heal my fear-based thoughts” as much as you can. Read more about this here: Fear Based Thoughts
You can also try the Break Free from Fear meditation here.
If you have a specific issue you want to work on, do some research and find some support to heal that. If this is coming up for you now, it means you are ready to face it and let it go from your life. Don’t let setbacks get in your way. If you are stuck, there is a blessing there waiting for you to claim. Accept this as a time for healing and growth. Be committed to doing the work. Watch yourself get unstuck.